Metaverse: A Brave New World | Hacker Noon


Barnum_PT Hacker Noon profile picture


Marketing expert. Very professional.

Hello friend. It sure has been a while.

I know that the world may seem scary right now but don’t you worry, it’s going to get way worse very soon.

And if those words mean nothing to you I want to give you hope. An idea so revolutionary that it may solve all of the world’s problems in one fell swoop. Please, follow me on a magical journey that may or may not restore your faith in humanity.

Every good story needs a background so before I show you the gates of Heaven on Earth you deserve a crash course on history. Please don’t mind all of the poor people. They gambled away their life savings on jpegs and should have known better. Now.. where was I…

Oh right! The glorious history of the crypto revolution. I already told you about our growthacking legends so we should just skip to the fun part.

The year is 2020, the online world completely forgot about viruses and millennium bugs, our cyber security was peaking but we somehow forgot to check on the viruses in the reality simulator. As soon as we turned our back a few guys in China made a mess and shortly after everyone was locked in their homes indefinitely.

As all responsible citizens in this world, we didn’t think much about it and we obviously trusted our governments to solve this annoying issue while we keep building financial freedom for everyone.

It took them a while but eventually, they figured it out. I have no idea how we didn’t think of this sooner but the answer was obvious from the beginning – print free money and no one will need to leave the house. Genius when you think about it.


Government airdrops were claimed monthly in most parts of the world and since so much capital had to go somewhere the tech world responded with another genius idea. Stock trading for everyone!

A child from Romania fulfilled his life-long dream and brought financial freedom into the hands of American teenagers. The solution was so amazing that even the trading fees were nonexistant. The kids got it better than the Wall Street folk.

Vlad didn’t really anticipate that so many young people will want to participate in stock trading because he apparently never used Reddit and before he realized that these kids actually have a working brain in their skull it was too late.

They instantly liked only one stock and while buying it like crazy they started doing research on the financial markets. Very soon after they realized that behind all of the complicated terms and numbers no one understands lies one simple principle. Buyers > Sellers = price go up. So they kept buying.

Vlad was so happy his new customers like the stock he wanted to prevent them from buying more. Turns out this will be a historical move that changes the trading game forever.

News about Vlad being the bad guy that works for the bankers induced a burning rage inside every Redditor’s hearth. They liked the stock but they didn’t like that the game was rigged. One thing lead to another and they all ended up in /r/bitcoin and /r/cryptocurrency. What they found there came as a surprise.

The market never closes, buzzwords like “decentralization” and “freedom” are all over the place, you are your own bank, Bitcoin is actually Jesus in disguise, poor people can gamble with free money thanks to 125x leverage (brought to you by Binance of course), banking the unbanked…

Even CZ was ashamed of how much money these poor souls were losing every second so he did the only right thing he could do. He lowered the leverage to 100x.

It may sound scary for these new crypto soldiers but this is their first contact with real volatility. Let them get burnt a few times, they will learn eventually. And they did.

After they did some math they realized that everyone made money with Bitcoin because they bought it for pennies. Bright minds don’t need too much time to figure out this new game so they started buying everything and anything that costs less than a dollar and gave meaning to the term unit bias in the process. Who knew that penny stocks can be digital eh?

Some hit the jackpot, some got rugged, some got straight up robbed but it wasn’t all for nothing. Maybe they can’t make an educated guess on the next big crypto but they all have one thing in common, don’t they? Who here doesn’t like dogs?


The prophet has spoken and thus the prophecy slowly unfolded. OG crypto enthusiasts sat in confusion watching the clueless dog slowly taking over the world. This whole time we offered them decentralization, speed, security, and freedom but all they wanted was a dog with a fluctuating price tag. It was that simple.

And since insanity already hit the crypto streets our master wizard saw an opportunity. Capturing the new faces is easy. Show them the dog and they will show you the money. The problem was that a lot more money was sitting just across from his table so he decided to kick the hornet’s nest.


You can still feel the smell of burned skin in the ETH community. Their rage was spilling all over social media and no one was safe.

$150 transactions on a decentralized chain are better than paying $0.15 for an entry on a centralized spreadsheet.

We all knew that but when you are broke you will even agree on using the second-best Ethereum, even if the label says that it was made in China.

The war continued but with little success for freedom fighters. The Binance Spread Sheet chain didn’t even care about victory. Capital started flowing in, CeDeFi became a forgotten term and anything that is used with Metamask instantly became Decentralized Finance.

Luckily for us, while the bombs were falling and hackers were hacking, people had bigger problems outside of our bubble. The money supply kept growing, inflation fears lingered in the air but the FED ensured us that the crisis is transitory.

That was good news because we were slowly getting sick of these new people the government was sending our way. The money they brought in wasn’t worth the stupidity that accompanied it. So we started annoying Wall Street.


The best of the best in our marketing department came up with the perfect solution. A safe currency that will definitely go to the Moon.

Just shut up and give us your money before V 2.0 comes out.

It was little known that we already domesticated some great names from the tradfi world. The big brains of investing knew that fresh money was coming so they welcomed them with open arms. If they did this to the stock market what could they do to our crypto bags?


At first they didn’t know what these newcomers want so they sat down and thought about it. Maybe a decentralized Twitter would sound great to them since they are censured on Reddit? That’s what they are all pissed about, right?


Now that is a big word on Twitter. If you have that bluebird clout you are the voice of reason in the sea of stupidity. And our boy Chamath has a ton of it. Let’s give these kids a home and let’s name that home using the best buzzwords we can come up with. Since they like Bitcoin and want clout… You see where this is going…


The trick is to cram as many of those buzzwords as you can in 160 characters. If you can also somehow make a case that it is the next Bitcoin that would be wonderful.

As BitClout slowly started to fade into total irrelevancy the kids turned to their favorite YouTubers for something more simple and less technical.


Of course Logan has something to suggest. He just can’t stop making money so just copy trade this champ and earn your financial freedom the easy way.

Do I even have to show you the chart?


Influencers ran wild with price predictions that would make you immagine the best possible life for you and your family.

Bitcoin to $20 Million a pop? You got it!


XRP to $589? Why the hell not?


It is sad to see that these reasonable price projections created a feud between the best crypto educators in the space. I hope they sorted that out though.

As you can see our hosts had everything under control so we just kept building and assumed that they will take care of new money. It took us years but our best product yet is finally here and everyone is talking about it.

An idea so insane it made Zucc rename his data collection service to Meta. A completely new universe that will make every kid happy and every shareholder rich.

Finally! Can you see how freaking amazing this place is?

I mean I know that you can’t actually see it but that’s the whole point. It is a world where you can be anything as long as you have the money to pay for it. It is really not that expensive considering the circumstances these days.

You will probably need a few hundred grand for a crypto punk, some more to get into the Bored Ape Yacht club, a few grand to cover the transaction fees, a mil or two if you want to buy a really nice house and a billion or two if you want to purchase some land from Mark Cuban.

Sorry about that. Ever since he figured out that kids can’t rugg him on NFT land space he bought all of it…

In general, you can get started in the metaverse with $2-3 billion. If you don’t have that much we can offer you a loan at very reasonable rates but you will need to turn your apartment into an NFT and use that as collateral. If you really want to have some fun you can stake your car in the Tesla NFT staking pool and earn free electricity.

If you look to your left you will see millions of gamers in the Pay-To-Learn section. We initially thought to call it Play-To-Earn but we were running out of money too fast. Why should we pay them when they can pay us, right?

I know that the graphics quality isn’t really that great but at least you can make money playing. A very good developer told me that we should get to Playstation 2 graphics before 2040 so I hope you don’t mind waiting a decade or two. Once that tech hits crypto who knows… Maybe you will turn your Billions into Trillions.

And maybe this all seems a bit rushed to you but if you can’t see the potential in the metaverse you aren’t a forward thinker. People will be able to work here instead of their boring desks at home. All they need is a VR headset and a little play money. Mark even said we won’t need keyboards. Imagine that…

I honestly hoped that you will be more thrilled to see the metaverse. Everyone is talking about it these days…

Oh well… I guess I tried.

If I don’t refer another investor to the Cuban Mansion he will revoke my rights from walking in his virual park. I won’t even be able to attend the party tonight because he bought all the tickets in 2020…

Yeah… All of you new folk don’t want to believe in a life-changing opportunity like we did. That’s why you will all stay poor for the rest of your life.


You know they said that inflation isn’t transitory anymore? It is here to stay and unless you put your hard-earned dollars into a safe heaven it won’t be worth much.

Three words for you mate. You made me bring out the big guns this time.





My last offer. What do you say?